Our Turn for Covid-19

Doctor at testing site: He’s positive. 

Matty at the PCR testing site.

Me: (shocked - speechless, and a million questions traveling from brain to mouth). 

Matty: Do I have the Virus, Mommy? 

Me: Yes 

Matty: (shocked - speechless, he probably has a million questions, too). 

Exactly one year ago, our country was settling in for two weeks of sheltering in place – whatever that meant. Our new daily vocabulary began to include terms like quarantine, pandemic, flattening the curve, essential workers, lockdown, PPE, social distancing, remote learning, hybrid and WFH (work from home).  

Acquiring a sudden new vocabulary reminds me of becoming a special education parent. We learn and incorporate confusing terms into our daily lives. From IEP (Individualized Education Plan) and CSE (committee on special education), to ABA, ADL, APE, ASD, AT – and these are just some of the abbreviations for the “A terms” – you see what I mean. 

 COVID-19 unexpectedly entered our home a year after it started. It can happen in any family, anytime. 

 Autism is also unexpected, but can happen in any family, anytime. 

First day of symptoms

    For a full year, Matty learned that Covid is something we don’t want to get. 

    And - now he has it. 

    He must have so many questions of his own. 

    In the beginning, it was apraxia that made speaking verbally a challenge for     

    Matty. Now, he's able to speak verbally, but his autism makes it difficult for    

    him to express his deeper feelings fully. He has a lot to say, so many deep    

    thoughts – but he often struggles to find the words to express these deeper    

    feelings, thoughts and questions. 

    

My job is anticipating the deeper questions he might have right now. 

Possible Question (PQ): How did I get the virus -is it my fault? 

A: It’s not your fault that you have the virus, 

PQ: Where did I get it? 

A: We don’t know where you got it. Germs are everywhere.

PQ: Will I get all better? 

A: The doctor says you will feel better in a few days. 

PQ: Mommy when will the virus go away? 

A: Matty this is what everyone in the whole world wishes they knew the answer to. 

PostScript: We are blessed that our family was only mildly affected by Covid-19 - and we honor the pain and suffering of the thousands of families who have lost loved ones over the past year.

Already feeling better & at virtual school

The Miracle of the Prevented Meltdown

Last week, Matty asked to go to Whole Foods together so he could buy two of his favorite items: Cranberry Juice and frozen Gluten Free/Dairy Free Mac and Cheese. Upon entering the store, Matty walked straight to the frozen aisle to get as many green boxes of Mac and Cheese as I’d allow (usually four). When he opened the giant freezer door, we noticed the empty shelf where we usually see piles of his favorite green box. “Oh no, Mommy.”

“Let’s go get your cranberry juice,” I said as if a false cheerful voice could lift some of his visible disappointment.

We pushed our cart over to the next aisle full of refrigerated drinks. They had every flavor BUT cranberry in stock. “OH NO, MOMMY!” 

“Let’s go ask at customer service,” I said in a calm and hopeful tone. “Maybe they have some in the back.”

I was prepared for a drop down, lay on the floor meltdown with screaming and stubbornness and tears. My heart was beating in between my ears, signaling my own awareness of how close Matty was to his breaking point.

People with autism often have difficulty expressing when they are feeling overly anxious or overwhelmed, which leads to an involuntary coping mechanism - a meltdown.

A meltdown is not a tantrum. It is defined as "an intense response to an overwhelming situation where the individual with autism is unable to exhibit control".

A meltdown in a different grocery store
on a different day. 

We arrived at customer service and I explained our situation, practically begging the woman working there to sprint to the back storage room and magically return with our items.

She returned with Ed, a veteran Whole Foods worker who patiently talked to Matty and me. He told us he checked the back and unfortunately, there was no cranberry juice or mac and cheese back there. He offered to place a special order for our items and call us when they arrived. 

 

Matty proceeded to interview Ed.

  

Matty: When will you call my mom?
Ed: Probably by Friday

M: What time?
Ed: When the truck arrives and we unload it, I’ll find your juice. Then I’ll call your mom to come pick it up.

M: Do you have my mom’s number?
Ed: (showing Matty the paper I gave him, smiling through his mask) Your mom gave it to me right here.

 

This quick interaction with Ed meant no meltdown. Matty felt heard and understood. This was the miracle moment.    

About five minutes later we were in the car getting ready to drive home with our empty bags. My phone rang, it was Ed calling for Matty! He called to tell him he placed our order and he’d see us on Friday. That was the greatest gift. Ed knew that Matty needed confirmation. Thank you, Ed, for treating Matty with goodness and respect.

Matty, enjoying his Cranberry Juice from Whole Foods!